An History Of Things What Has (not) Happened

This piece was published in the latest issue of ‘The Runt‘, a Dublin comic literary zine. The theme of the issues was ‘alternate history’.

There is many of the things in the past better than todays. Oh yes. Some are evil worse too (✈__✈ █ █ ▄ ). It is starting to look as this is the beginning of history. Imagine, far future there will still be moar to come. But some have not happened that could have happened, and it is those which i wrote. This is what we call alternut history. An imagination of the way things could have be if but for a few other differences in the past. For example Hitler was Julian Seasalt or imagine if the dinosaurs live at the same time as for example films are set.

Some things haven’t happened.

1 What if we make the moon? What then.

2 Imagine for a minute Ronald Regan, but he is Seth Rogan

3 Never Land

4 Characters come to live from books

Fife. Whether or not you believe it – a magic energy inside all people, and plants, the same. It’s name is Juice. Can’t in plate that four minutes.

There are stories men have write, and yes women! In these stories contain dreams, events, places, people, lives, incredible events, animals that never were as if they been. I explain some of these books in briefs.

The Man in the High Castle

The tail of a greatest king of Charlie Maine. Once a night, he ends up more than a man, but almost less than a dragon. In this version, he a taxi driver but still dreams of his past to come.

In the Presence of Mine Enemies

This book is my favourites. So many differents from today. One man has the phenomena agility to see invisible. When a clock commits a crime, she’s arrested in the nick of time. But in many case people seem to have less of time because they are so so busy. An ill wind blows no good to any when things become just all over the place in this post-apoplectic soz I ate e.

Fatherland

An offensive book about Men, sexist harassmen if I may take a quick joke. But serious in this book they have the hole country and it is not good let me tell you. They make a hams fist of the whole meal. Tell won woman makes them do things right, she is play by Helen Mirren. Thus is simpler to Ma Gorratwood.

Years of Salt and Rice

This wons not god.

So you’re welcome for that short strip in through long shelf that is alternatives to what weave gott. Some seam likely. Most can’t be unpicked. Knit not all! I dare say that we will surprise in future by coincidence when made up things happen. Marked by words, just sea.

Dear edit my smell cheque is a boken. Please move my mist rake, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Radio Drama Revival Rebroadcast

Just a brief post to let you know that Radio Drama Revival, one of the longest running and most popular radio drama podcasts (also an on air radio show) have been kind enough to rebroadcast my radio sitcom ‘Choices‘. Although host Fred Greenhalgh disagrees with calling it a ‘radio sitcom’. Judge for yourself!

Listen here – Radio Drama Revival.

Here’s the plot synopsis…

Ainesh Sharma is an under confident, over intellectual Indian-Irish twenty something. Ainesh has always been a victim of circumstance; working jobs he didn’t enjoy and failing to live up to his potential. Now, sacked from his factory job and thrown out of home by his disappointed parents, Ainesh is forced to train as a psychotherapist. His course is in ‘Choosing Therapy’, the philosophy that we choose our own destiny, and that everything that happens is our fault. With nowhere to stay, Ainesh is forced to live with two of his bizarre classmates. We follow him as he learns whether there really is such a thing as choice, and if so, how he can make his own destiny.

Choices was funded by the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland, and originally produced for Dublin City FM. The show starred Katie McCann, Aishlinn O’Byrne, Kieran Roche and Dylan Jones, and was produced by Heather MacLeod.

Last year Radio Drama Revival also rebroadcast our ambitious 2012 on location production ‘Any Other Dublin‘. Both Dublin and Choices are available as podcasts on iTunes (and in the listings of pretty much every other podcatcher), if you’d prefer to check them out in episodic format!

American Gothic S01E02 – Acquired Taste – Episode 2

What is it?

A new podcast, in the style of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or RiffTrax. James Van De Waal and Gareth Stack sit down and riff (in the style of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or RiffTrax) over sucky television.

How it works

Each episode we watch an episode of an old TV show, and insult it in real time. If you’d like to play along with this weeks show, google ‘American Gothic S01E02’, find a stream of the first episode of this lost ‘classic’, fire up the podcast and hit play when we tell you to. Be warned, this is outrageously NSFW.

Download: Episode 2

American Gothic S01E01 – Acquired Taste – Episode 1

This is a new show, an experiment if you like. James Van De Waal and Gareth Stack sit down and riff (in the style of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or RiffTrax) over sucky television.

Here’s how it works: Each episode we watch an episode of an old TV show, and insult it in real time. If you’d like to play along with this weeks show, google ‘American Gothic S01E01’, find a stream of the first episode of this lost ‘classic’, fire up the podcast and hit play when we tell you to. Be warned, this is outrageously NSFW.

Download: Episode 1

Dublin Characters – Episode 6 – The Gareth Stack Show

The Gareth Stack Show is back! Dublin’s most obscure chat show, featuring interviews with some of the dirty auld holes most fascinating characters, both pro patria and ex. Today’s episode comes complete with acoustamatic musing from Dublin low-fi warbler and nouveau booky wookie Bobert Ahern, monsternational filmist Donal Foreman, and Dublin scenestress Joanne Stack (yes relation).

14:00 – 32:00 – Donal Foreman, Director of ‘Out of Here‘

Donal, director of the award winning new Irish film ‘Out of Here’, talks about the movie, being a first time director, crowd funding, and creating a movie that integrates improvisation, non-professional actors and a real directorial point of view.

34:30 – 42:00 – Joanne Stack of ‘Secret City Dublin‘

My wee sister talks about her knew event listings project ‘Secret City Dublin’. Secret City is a new way to find out about what’s going on in the city. Particularly underground and arts based events that are free or cheap, and open to all.

42:00 – 80:00 Bobby Ahern, author of ‘D’You Remember Yer Man’.

Writer, punk rock chartreuse, leprechaun expert, Bobby Ahern does it all. We have this fresh faced Dublin impresario join us in studio to chat about his brand spanking new book ‘Do You Remember Y’er Man’, and play a whole bunch of acoustamatic songaroonies.

79:00 – 82:00 Andrew’s Teacher, Professor Dereck Polly

Featuring jingles by the one and only Roger Gregg. And hosting by Andrew Booth, with special guest Gareth Stack.

Download: Episode 6

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The Wager – Chapter 2 – ‘Two Visits, Two Mistakes’

Download: Chapter 2

I was almost honoured to be approached by Skellig Historical Society after reading the first chapter of great grandfather’s once notorious, now sadly novel. As you are perhaps aware, great grandfather was one of Skellig’s most generous benefactors, having been fascinated all his life by the history and unique culture of islands.

Leman Bodley, former chair of the society, told me a great anecdote about great granddads’s lewd performance at the bicentennial of the sinking of Hollands Melvaart, which of course I can’t share for legal reasons. Buy me a dozen quarts of the black stuff and perhaps you’ll wet it out of me.

In any case, the surviving members of the society are all interred together in a retirement community near Clara Lara, and seemed to greatly enjoy the last excerpt, as far as their carers could discern. It seemed only right to give them another slice of history, as they have room enough remaining for only one or two before joining it themselves.

Music Concerto in E flat major Op.30; G minor Op.12, by Antonio Vivaldi, recorded from Grandfather’s phonograph.

Image: Photograph of great grandfather having a grand old time, from the family archives. Courtesy Skellig Historical Society, circa 1911

A Page from History

Download: Chapter 1
My great grandfather’s book ‘An examination of the effect on character of greatly altered circumstances, as epitomised by the divergent conditions into which two young unfortunates are thrust by the wretched cynicism of their betters,’ or ‘The Wager’ caused an enormous stir upon its initial release in 1919. The book so shocked and dismayed its late Edwardian audience, that it was prohibited both in Ireland, and across the Commonwealth. The book’s content invited comparisons in The Times to ‘the depravities of Wilde, absent his wit’. Today long forgotten, I thought I’d wile away a Summer evening with what seemed likely a dry exercise, but became an entertaining one. This reading is from the second edition, released abroad in 1920.

Music Concerto in E flat major Op.30; G minor Op.12, by Antonio Vivaldi, recorded from Grandfather’s phonograph.

Image: Scan of great-grandfather’s portrait, from the dust jacket.

Choices – Episode 6 – DiCaprio Island

Episode 6 of the brand new series from Dead Medium Productions and Dublin City FM. First broadcast 11th June, 2014.

Natalie’s bullying finally culminates in a complete mental breakdown for Ainesh. Humiliated and desperate, Ainesh locks himself inside a classroom and refuses to come out. Inside he creates a sock puppet utopia. Committed instantly, Ainesh is taken to Our Lady of Infinite Jest mental hospital. Stillman is on his first internship and Ainesh is his first patient. Can Ainesh escape the hospital and find justice?

Download: Episode 6
Credits: Read

‘Of Mongooses and Men’ – Episode 5 – The Gareth Stack Show: Live

Your monthly dose of lowbrow comedy and middlebrow culture with Gareth Stack, hosted by Andrew Booth. This episodes first guest was Tom Rowley of Storymap.ie, a website that lets you find and create stories to accompany your trip to Dublin. We were also joined by Dublin indie folk harmonisers Mongoose, who lent their dulcet chorus to our tired old ears. We chatted about manhood, murder, storytelling and munched down on some phallic confectionary. This month’s murderer was celebrated drummer Jim Gordon.

Download: Episode 5